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In a thought-provoking 2011 conversation with former Mindful editor Stephany Tlalka, mindfulness teacher Elaine Smookler explored the intricate relationship between mindfulness and happiness, challenging conventional notions that meditation simply acts as a conduit to unadulterated well-being. The discussion, recorded over a decade ago, delves into why individuals often struggle to manifest desired feelings of contentment and how embracing life’s inherent discomfort can unlock a more profound sense of fulfillment. Smookler, a faculty member at the Centre for Mindfulness in Toronto and a veteran mindfulness practitioner with over two decades of experience, offered insights forged through personal trials, professional shifts, and an unwavering commitment to inner guidance. Her philosophy, characterized by resilience, humor, and a deep understanding of the human condition, suggests that true happiness is not merely the absence of pain but a rich tapestry woven with both joy and hardship.
Redefining Success: A Pivotal Career Shift
Smookler’s journey to becoming a prominent voice in mindfulness began far from the meditative cushion, rooted instead in the dynamic world of Canadian broadcasting. Having cultivated a successful career with the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC), she found herself on the cusp of a significant professional advancement in 2011. She recounted being groomed for a national radio show, reaching the final two candidates and being flown to Calgary for the hosting opportunity. This moment, ostensibly a pinnacle of professional achievement, unexpectedly triggered a profound internal conflict.
"I’ve never been driven by success; I’m driven only by my heart and energy," Smookler explained, describing an immediate visceral realization that despite the apparent prestige, the path was not aligned with her authentic self. This intuition superseded the ego’s allure of a high-profile national platform. The decision to withdraw from the opportunity meant embracing profound uncertainty, a stark contrast to the structured career trajectory she was abandoning. Her subsequent reality involved moving back in with her parents after two decades, facing unemployment, financial instability, and a complete lack of clarity about her future. This period of deliberate disengagement from external validation, however, proved to be a transformative "meeting my ego" moment, revealing a deeper, more powerful inner compass. She realized that something within her was "bigger than my ego," a revelation that liberated her from a limiting self-identity tied to external achievements. This pivotal choice, made in the face of considerable fear, laid the groundwork for a life that, in her words, became "10 times more amazing" by prioritizing genuine alignment over perceived success.
The Indispensable "Roughage" of Life: Pain as a Component of Happiness
Smookler’s perspective on happiness diverges sharply from the popular, often superficial, pursuit of constant positivity. She posits that true happiness is not a perpetually smooth, effortless state, but one that actively incorporates "roughage"—a metaphor for the inevitable pain and discomfort inherent in human existence. This concept challenges the prevalent societal ideal of happiness as an unbroken chain of pleasant experiences, free from struggle or adversity.
She likened this to dietary needs: just as a healthy diet requires fiber and varied textures rather than a monotonous intake of processed, smooth foods, a truly fulfilling life necessitates the integration of challenging experiences. A diet solely of "processed ideas of happiness"—such as acquiring fancy cars, large houses, or ideal partners—is ultimately unfulfilling and lacking in substance. Smookler contends that these external markers, often presented as pathways to happiness, frequently fail to deliver genuine contentment because they bypass the deeper, more complex work of self-investigation. Without understanding what truly makes an individual happy, these pursuits can lead to further confusion and dissatisfaction.
This perspective aligns with principles found in positive psychology and resilience research, which emphasize that growth and profound meaning often emerge from grappling with adversity. Concepts like "post-traumatic growth" describe how individuals can experience positive psychological changes following traumatic events, including increased appreciation for life, stronger relationships, and a heightened sense of personal strength. By reframing pain not as an obstacle to happiness but as an integral ingredient, Smookler encourages a more holistic and robust approach to well-being, fostering a capacity for insight, compassion, and deeper connection that might otherwise remain underdeveloped.
Transformative Encounters with Illness: Cancer and the Power of Embodiment
Smookler’s philosophy on embracing adversity is not merely theoretical; it is deeply rooted in her lived experience, including a battle with cancer and other significant health challenges. Her recounting of these events is strikingly devoid of self-pity, instead characterized by humor, a playful irreverence, and a profound sense of wonder at life’s lessons.
Her cancer diagnosis, specifically uterine cancer, became an unexpected catalyst for growth. Rather than succumbing to fear, she approached her surgery with an extraordinary lightness. She humorously recounted telling an orderly she was there for a "breast lift and tummy tuck" and later, on the operating table, engaging in witty banter with her surgeon about saving her uterus to make a "backpack" (or a "change purse," as the surgeon corrected). This ability to inject levity into a grave situation speaks to a conscious choice to engage with difficulty on her own terms, preventing the circumstances from fully defining her emotional state.
The post-operative period further illustrated her unique resilience. She described making her own bed the day after surgery, astonishing the hospital staff. Her shared room experience, initially met with judgment due to the age and background difference with her roommate, transformed into a deep bond forged through shared laughter and mutual support. Their collective hilarity, particularly over the "farting" prerequisite for discharge after abdominal surgery, was so infectious that nurses encouraged them to cheer up other patients. This episode highlights the potent, often underestimated, role of humor and social connection in healing and coping with distress.
Beyond cancer, Smookler’s earlier gallbladder surgery offered an equally profound, albeit different, lesson. Lying alone in the operating room, she experienced a radical detachment from her identity as a "performer, a personality." In that moment, she was simply "a hunk of meat"—a realization that, counterintuitively, proved incredibly freeing. It allowed her to shed preconceived notions about herself that had, in fact, been limiting. This stripping away of ego-driven identity paved the way for a deeper connection to her physical self.
Post-surgery, before morphine fully took effect, she experienced intense pain but found herself "ecstatic." This seemingly paradoxical reaction stemmed from a lifetime of feeling disconnected from her body. The pain, though unpleasant, was an undeniable sensation, a vivid awakening to her physical presence. This experience dramatically shifted her relationship with the "body scan" meditation, a practice she initially "absolutely hated" and actively avoided. Prior to this, she had felt "numb from the neck down." The pain from surgery, however, catalyzed a profound appreciation for physical sensation. What was once a dreaded practice became a source of vibrant connection, making "every part of me come alive." This personal transformation underscores the idea that often, the very experiences we resist hold the greatest potential for insight and growth.
Her ongoing experience with retinitis pigmentosa, a degenerative eye condition leading to vision loss, further reinforces her philosophy. While many express horror at the prospect of losing sight, Smookler maintains a remarkable equanimity, framing it as another element of life to be engaged with rather than feared or resisted.
Mindfulness Beyond Control: Playing with Life’s Elements
Smookler unequivocally asserts that mindfulness is not a tool for control or escape from life’s inherent messiness. Drawing on her work as a facilitator for the mindfulness project at Sick Kids Hospital, she rejects platitudes that promise an end to worries through practice. Instead, she teaches that mindfulness equips individuals to "stand in your life exactly exactly as it is and play with the elements exactly as they are."
She likens life to a video game—a serious, engaging endeavor with real stakes, yet fundamentally a form of "play." This perspective allows for active engagement with challenges ("Oh! Okay. They’re coming for me. Okay, there’s the sharks…") while retaining an underlying awareness of the impermanent, dynamic nature of existence. This resonates with the concept of "radical acceptance" in dialectical behavior therapy, which emphasizes accepting reality for what it is, even if it’s painful, as a precursor to effective action.
Her work as a clown, often with physician and Mindful.org contributor Patricia Rockman, further embodies this principle. Their performances, like "Bondage," explore the emotional pain of attachment, fear, and the futility of clinging to what cannot be held—from babies growing up to the inevitability of aging and death. This artistic exploration serves as a powerful metaphor for the core Buddhist teaching of impermanence (anicca), which is central to mindfulness practice. Life’s changes, whether hormonal shifts, interpersonal conflicts, or physical decline, are constant. Mindfulness, in Smookler’s view, is the practice of engaging with this ceaseless flux rather than resisting it.
Cultivating Resilience: Practical Strategies for Navigating Adversity
When confronted with moments of exhaustion, frustration, or feeling "triggered," Smookler offers a multi-faceted approach to resilience, emphasizing that no single answer suffices. Her strategies are rooted in decades of practice and a deep understanding of human psychology:
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Acknowledge and Create Space: Smookler, despite her extensive practice, admits to being a "fiery person" who experiences strong emotions and reactivity. However, her mindfulness practice has cultivated a crucial "moment of pause." This allows her to acknowledge intense emotions—like wanting to push her partner down the stairs—and then, through a quick, visceral check-in, evaluate the ramifications of acting on those impulses. This pause, often referred to as "response flexibility" in neuroscience, allows the prefrontal cortex to override the immediate, impulsive reactions of the amygdala. This cultivated space enables a shift from reactive behavior to a more considered, values-aligned response, such as apologizing and communicating her underlying stress or hunger.
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Grounding in the Body: When thoughts race or emotional storms brew, Smookler advises shifting focus from the "default brain network" (associated with rumination and self-referential thought) to the "felt-sense brain network" (associated with present-moment bodily awareness). Simple practices like feeling one’s feet on the ground or taking intentional breaths can effectively interrupt negative thought loops and bring the individual back to a grounded state. This aligns with somatic practices and the growing recognition of the mind-body connection in regulating emotions and stress.
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Recognizing Universal Pain: A crucial aspect of resilience, according to Smookler, is cultivating empathy by acknowledging the widespread pain in the world. Understanding that others’ potentially challenging behaviors might stem from their own unseen struggles—whether personal issues, physical discomfort, or emotional distress—fosters compassion and reduces the tendency to take things personally. This perspective promotes a more nuanced and less reactive engagement with interpersonal interactions, recognizing the shared vulnerability of the human experience.
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Embracing Kindness and Building a Friendly Society: Smookler holds a deeply optimistic view of humanity, stating that "most people are really lovely, kind… given half a chance, most people want to help you." Her experience, particularly with her white cane, reinforces this belief, as she has never been refused help when asking. She highlights the reciprocal nature of kindness: accepting help is not just about personal benefit but also about providing others with the opportunity to feel noble and happy through their acts of generosity. This concept, supported by research on prosocial behavior and altruism, suggests that giving and receiving kindness actively builds positive social circuits, strengthening community bonds. She advocates for intentionally creating these "practice opportunities" for kindness, whether by holding a door or offering a seat, thereby fostering a "friendly society" where humans actively assist one another. Her humorous anecdote about the young woman’s friends exclaiming "That is SO nice of you!" after helping her, despite Smookler being "blind not deaf," perfectly illustrates the inherent human joy in performing kind acts, even if sometimes expressed imperfectly.
Implications for Modern Well-being
Elaine Smookler’s insights, shared in 2011, remain profoundly relevant and perhaps even more critical in today’s fast-paced, often stress-laden world. Her reframing of happiness as an inclusive state, rather than an exclusive one free from pain, offers a more realistic and attainable path to well-being. By advocating for the mindful integration of "roughage," she challenges the pervasive cultural narrative that often equates happiness with constant pleasure and the avoidance of discomfort.
Her personal journey—from a high-profile career to embracing uncertainty, and from confronting life-threatening illness to navigating vision loss with grace and humor—provides a powerful testament to the transformative potential of mindfulness and resilience. Her approach underscores that true strength lies not in controlling external circumstances, but in cultivating an inner capacity to engage with life’s unpredictable elements, to find freedom in detachment from ego, and to connect deeply with one’s body and with others.
Smookler’s work, particularly at institutions like Sick Kids Hospital, demonstrates the practical applicability of her philosophy in high-stress environments. By teaching individuals to "play with the elements" rather than seeking to escape them, she offers a powerful antidote to anxiety and despair. Her emphasis on fostering a "friendly society" through everyday acts of kindness also highlights the crucial role of social connection and compassion in individual and collective well-being. In an era where mental health challenges are increasingly prevalent, Smookler’s nuanced understanding of happiness, forged in the crucible of real-life adversity, provides a timeless and actionable roadmap for living a vibrant, meaningful, and resilient life.
